Saturday, 17 December 2011

New Year

It's going to be a new year. Pretty soon.  In like, a week. It's outstanding what's happened in merely a year. I've become an adult, at least to the government. I've left behind school and begun my journey to the future I have to build for myself.

Suddenly, it's not about the things around me or how I did on my History essay. Something in my mind has switched off so many things that preoccupied me before. I feel like I'm a different person, more sensitive to things I didn't notice before, more aware of myself, how I feel and how I act. I am no longer a shell of myself. On the contrary, I'm too much of myself to contain, I am the chaos I've always been but out of control and happy and sad and excited and scared and... everything. This new year is going to be a step forward from this sort of existentialist epiphany I've had, a sort of clearer path. Work is hard at uni, so, so hard. It takes up my brain and my soul aches wanting to do everything as is expected. But I'm going to use this time to excel at only one thing: truly finding myself amidst all the talent and inspiration I am surrounded by every day in class, when I walk out the front door, in my room... I feel like this year will be great, there's nothing more to it; I can't do anything to stop it. I've changed. And it's glorious.


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