Thursday, 10 November 2011


Those moments when you're completely stuck and out of inspiration end up being, in themselves, the most inspiring of all .

I, as most, always dream and hope for a world where we are never unhappy, sad, angry, disappointed or terrified. When I was around 6 years old I realised there would never be a moment when life would change and settle on happy routine and everlasting peace of mind. I would never stop working, I realised. I would finish school only to start university, and then I'd have to work, and I would never stop working until I retired. At 6, I think it was the sort of deep thought you have while being sent to your room to "do something" like read and such (as if that was a punishment ^-^), but that you quickly stick under the carpet because it really makes no sense to ponder upon it for long. I'll never be happy forever. And that makes me sad.

So many things make me sad. Sunny, hot days, for example, unlike popular opinions. The fact that I struggle with money but am not grateful for what I already have makes me sad. The feeling of not ever finding someone I can love to no end, someone that shares my unpopular opinions, who is interested in how a cigarette burns and who likes the music I do, makes me so, so sad too. My favorite thing to be is melancholic, because I enter this trance of nonchalance and inner peace whilst wondering about the world around me and my past, which always seems happier and more beautiful than my present. I like to feel sad and gloomy at least twice a day, so I can awaken and climb out of the dark hole I've dug for me and my sadness and feel as happier than before. I sincerely hope I won't end up not being able to come out of the hole. To be honest, I'm talking about feelings like I chose them, and I don't; I am sad at least twice a day, not because I chose to but because I'm a sad creature, but I like to take what I can from being this way.

But so many things make me happy. Ever since I started my degree in fashion design, I've been told to be inspired by everything I see, really look at things and swallow them whole. I begun doing this just now, and it's wonderful. When I wake up in the weekends, I can sit out on the balcony and stare at the grey clouds which cover the sun all morning. All day, if I could. I have a fascination with cloudy days and sun-less mornings, like it's never really morning, but an extension of the dark night. Clouds that cover the sun make me happy. Raindrops on windows. Green tea sitting on my bed. Sad songs, weirdly (maybe not so much for me) enough, make me happy. Soft clothes. Immaculately clean things. Dirty things. Simple things make me happy, and that's why it's not hard to make me smile. But simple things make me sad, too. So I'm always on the brink of complete and utter exhilarating happiness and a downfall depression.

But that's ok, because I can always become inspired after I'm stressed and stuck by reflecting upon how my mind works, and really seeing I am both happier and more disenchanted with the world than I thought. And those are excellent feelings to contrast in art

Mua x

1 comment:

  1. Well, it was long and it was hard to understand sometimes, but easy feel identified...